I went to the forest to today to get away from everything but I knew they added microphones there. Winston followed me through the brush pacing behind me. When I stopped he placed his hands on my hips. I knew it would be the last time we met close together to I just let him. When we sat down I told him I betrayed him, but he said he betrayed me. We didn't really talk much other than that so when I started leaving he followed. I just paced ahead not slow enough to let him catch up but not fast enough to leave him behind. When we made it out to public I turned to go home. He tried to follow a bit but stopped. This will be my last post, I've no longer got any interest in anything but my work. Back to the same old boring stuff. 

I think O'Brien really isn't a brotherhood member, I was taken to prison and beaten, then taken to room 101 where I faced my worst fear. I didn't care for everything else but I had to put my beloved Winston in front of me and my worst fear which I will not mention. Life will probably never be the same, I just don't think I can love Winston anymore.

Today me and Winston met with O'Brien and got accepted into the brotherhood which is a secret organization where party haters live. After the meeting me and Winston went to his apartment and fell asleep. This is going so well with my long time love!

Today I met with lovely Winston and we spent quality time together alone in the woods. It was so fun and educational, I can't wait to do it again! Im almost certain he's in love with me!

I've finally talked to Winston in the Street and tomorrow we are going to meet in the tre covered areas next to the train station. There we can't be watched and or listened to. This is such a great thing, he is so mature and aged, It looks like he's taken interest!

I've been trying to talk to Winston but its been hard since Big Brother is watching. Later I am planning on sitting in the middle of the circle or cars in the city where the flag is and hope he sits next to me. I've caught him looking at me a couple of times, some with disgust and some with interest but i think he's getting the point! If I do meet him it will have to be brief but either way i can't wait! 

Took a selfie, Hope i'm fabulous enough! Soon I should be luring him into the woods where we can be alone, can't wait! The party will never know but I should be astonishing enough so i'm undercover and hopefully soon under his roof! :DDDDDD